Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Our New Incarnation as a Cyber Gossip Has Certain Celeb-Friendly Pals a Bit Unhappy With Us

How's the salt mines? You're almost out of there huh? See if you can pick up any ** buzz before you leave, K?
AO's friend
i can't. i had just told you that small tid bit in conversation. i didn't tell you so you could post it. i don't feel comfortable.

god, you're so lame--who said i "posted it" anyway? i don't put every silly little bit of gossip people tell me on my blog. anyway, that means you know something v.v. hott.
AO's friend
you don't have to resort to calling me lame. it is unecessary. i didn't say you had posted it already. and besides i don't have anything to say anyway, but i am not going to seek it out. i don't see why you cant understand that.

Time to Pay the Bills

Sorry for the light, very low buzz content today; our boss is on our back to produce and as you can see we're not very good with excuses. We'll be back tomorrow, of course--hopefully, with something juicy.

SoHo House, Shout Outs to Mo Rocca and Now This; We're Green With Envy

"Choire Sicha—yes, folks, that's pronounced 'Cory', and yes, it's a dude—who turned Gawker into an unreadable circle-jerk for the cream of New York City's wannabe media asshole crop." (NYP {Via TMFTML})

One Starlet Interview That Didn't Disappoint

"Is she partial to one part in particular?"
"'Beautiful penis!' Ms. Dawson said, answering another, more interesting question. 'In almost all of his movies, he’s always showing off, and I’m just like, ‘Yeah, man, uncircumcised! That’s nice! You go! You work that shit!’ That’s why he’s amazing.'" (NYO--2nd to last item)

More Money on Cabs

It's here; the taxi fare increase, that is. Fares are to shoot up fifty cents on every base charge. Also, more importantly, an "extra $1 between the hours of 4 and 8 p.m. weekdays." All told the average fare would increase a substantial 25%.
We think these motherfuckers make plenty as it is. They're like the Yankees--a bunch of rich, spoiled cry-babies. We're always hearing things like: 'Boo-hoo I can't support my family of twelve in Bangladesh on nine dollars an hour.' and 'Waaaah, I have to pay the owner fifty dollars just to take the hack out of the garage.' Okay, you guys happy now? Your going to be making fifteen dollars an hour. Try making that pulling a rickshaw around. (Newsday)

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Okay, Here's One For The Road

A trustworthy source tells us it was like 1996 all over again in certain downtown club. All the place needed was Donovan Leitch. Anyway, an A-List actress and her rocker boyfriend got in an tussle when the star wanted to tip off to the bathrooms with a pretty boy accomplice. 'What does that have to do with 1996?' People snort blow in bathrooms all the time you say. Well our source is emphatic that it was something much darker and 90's retro that she had the urge for. The rocker was adamant that the thespian had promised him she would behave herself.

New Star to go Nationwide

Bonnie Fuller's new slimmed down format of the supermarket tabloid the Star is hitting newstands nationwide tomorrow. Here in NY (and in LA) we have already seen the new format and guess what? Everyone hates it. (Paul Colford)

Mined Gossip

Jason Patric arrested for public drunkenness in Texas after shoving a police officer. Wait, who's Jason Patric again? Whoever he is, he denies the report. (Evening Standard)

Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson back together. At least they were over the weekend. (Jeanette Walls--2nd item)

Janet Jackson bleeped on Letterman for saying the word "Jesus." (Evening Standard)

Big phony Plum Sykes receives a "strong six figure" advance from Miramax Books on the strength of a ten page outline. The novel is to be called "The $10 Million Divorcee" and is about, surprise, a young woman that marries a rich guy. (Rush & Molloy--4th item)

Woody Harrelson's pops to stay in the slammer. (AP)

Vincent Gallo bragged about not remembering a woman he was with for several months. He claims she had to produce photos in order to jog his memory. Okay Gallo, you're not only an idiot; you're amnesiac too--congratulations, really. (Page Six--5th item)

Leon Wieseltier, literary editor of the New Republic, appeared as a carjack victim on Sunday's episode of the "The Sopranos." (Reliable Source--last item)

Ninjas to Descend on Conde Nast Building

Asian activists are atwitter over a feature in Details mag that compared Asians and Gays. For example: “One cruises for chicken; the other takes its General Tso-style.” We thought the Chinese didn't eat Genaral Tso's? In any case Daniel Lee is fucking pissed “We are going to crumble Details magazine altogether by going after every advertiser in the magazine...” We have no idea who Daniel Lee is or what the hell he's talking about, but if he's any relation to Bruce Lee Details better watch the fuck out! (Jeanette Walls--Last item)

Yes Cindy, Anything You Say

"Years ago Anthony Quinn was in the hospital. He asked me to say nothing, lest this harm his career. I said nothing. Others printed the story. How'd they get it when I was one of the few inside his innerinnerinner circle and told nobody? "

Monday, March 29, 2004

Adam Moss--Shaking it Up at New York Magazine

Dear Mr. Moss:
I know it's hard putting together a magazine every week and Rome wasn't built in a day and all, but does the news that Wachovia, using a "radical marketing plan," is giving away free Krispy Kremes really rate a whole Intelligencer feature? David Amsden never heard of banks giving away toasters or pens?

Speaking of "Wachovia" doesn't the name of the bank sound suspiciously like the phrase "watch over you?"

Will Somebody Marry This Bitch Already Please?

“Someone once said to me, ‘Plum, you’re so ana!’ says Sykes, a five-eleven Brit with Ritalin-kid energy. 'I was like, ‘Anna Wintour?’ She said, ‘No, you’re completely anorexic! I worship it!’ ”
"'(My book's) not an exposé!' says Sykes. 'What was I supposed to expose, that society girls are adorable and funny?'” (NYM)

Is it me, or is Google looking a lot like Yahoo these days?
Have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you left no sense of decency?*

The London Sun celebrates the cooling of relations with Gaddaffi by publishing a vacationers' prospectus to Libya. After all, the country promises to be one of the world's "hottest holiday spots."

Karen Ryan: 'Im Not a Hooker, Just a Whore'

"I did nothing wrong. Nothing. I am not a hooker, in spite of Chris Matthews' out-of-control ranting and raving on MSNBC. I'm not a phony, as stated in an editorial in the Cleveland Plain Dealer. And from all accounts, I'm certainly not an actress, as labeled by the 'always accurate' re-porters of The New York Times." (Via Romenesko)

Another Day, Another AO Blind Item

Which actress for an HBO hit series fell in love with her very gay male acting coach? The lusted-for teacher had to tell the sultry Italian-American thespian that their relationship was only business.

This Might Have Been Worth Seeing

"(Britney) gyrated her hips in the face of a male dancer dressed as a bellboy and with a female dressed as a French maid. In a frilly corset and knickers, Spears also performed with four near-naked female dancers,writhing over chairs and their bodies and letting them grab her bottom and rub her legs."

Mined Gossip

The imperious Patrick McMullen is taken down a notch or two when he's told by a waiter that can't have a canape because he's a lowly photog. Doesn't he know that McMullen snorted coke with Andy Warhol? (Page Six-sixth item)

A tearful Bijou Philips dissed by a gaggle of her friends in LA. (Page Six-2nd to last item)

Nothing happened when Myrna Blyth and Ellen Levine were seated next to each other at Michael's the other day. But, a lot of very powerful people were watching them very, very closely. Jesus Grove--they brought you from DC for that? (Lloyd Grove--1st item)

Jim Cavaziel tried to get a message from God, told to him directly by the Virgin Mary, published in Wallpaper, but the mags editors nixed the article. Hmmm--they couldn't have dropped the article because a studio rep told them if they printed it they'd never get another star to interview again? You've got to print these things when you have the chance.

The Harvard Club on 44th street is letting in all sorts of adult education types and other assorted trash. Of course, the members just aren't happy about it. (NYM)

News Corp. employees go wild in Cancun doing tequilla shooters off of Lachlan Murdoch's belly and goosing Steve Dunleavy while chanting "Deutshland Uber Alles." Okay, that last part is fake. (NYM--2nd to last item)

More Sunday Times Fun

Okrent announces Gail Conner's (editor of Op-Ed page) new policy for columnist's corrections: they are to appear at the bottom of the subsequent column. Heretofore corrections had been the responsibility of individual columnists. Not surprisingly, Safire seems squeamish about the change.

Speaking of the Op-Ed page, Lyn Nofziger pines for a world that the Bushies are even more conservative. At least her instability is matched by her imagination. But Jesus, does Sulzberger have to give every loony bird a perch (no matter how small) to squawk from? Let her yammer away on Fox or scribble her gibberish at the NY Sun.

Just who, exactly, is Maureen Dowd referring to when she writes “Both J.F.K. and W. were the oldest sons of patrician fathers who had served as diplomats.” Maybe pundits and reporters need to develop a new acronym for John Kerry like JFKII or JFK*. Or wait, I know--how about just calling him by his first and last name?

Is it me, or have we seen this old chestnut about some 'death of casual' to take place in the near future at least once every year since `96?

In Styles, a story about news for tools er, I mean tots. Here's newscaster Shepard Smith: "We don't communicate in full sentences anyway..." Yeah, I'm not watching him either, but a million and half people a night are.

In a special City section devoted to that subterranean inferno we call our subway system: there's a story about a guy that got rich dealing slugs. Also Mike Wallace puts in some work

And finally, "They're 10,000 strong and running!" (11th item film lovers.)

(Ed note--As someone has helpfully pointed out, we incorrectly stated the sex of Lyn Nofziger as female. Nofziger is and always has been a male.)

Old Hag--Shades of Tibor Fischer

"By the time our narrator, in the space of four pages, has put forth both 'loquacious' and 'chatoyant,' her internal monologue resembles nothing so much as the notes of a high school junior studying furiously for her SAT's."

Oh, You're the Son of That Mr. Milkin

"His father, who once oversaw the junk-bond trading operations of Drexel Burnham Lambert, the former securities firm in New York, is the chairman of Knowledge Universe" (NYT--Weddings)

Also, I didn't even know Marist girls made it into the Times when they got married, but since you did it might have been a good idea to give them a photo where you’re not wearing the huge double bulbed nose-ring. (NYT--Weddings {scroll right})

A Moment to Wax Slightly Poetic

By Saturday there was no doubt that, after a long cold winter, it was spring again. The streets were a veritable banquet of flesh—a manifestation of the absurd, heightened longing that this season’s heir to. It’s a time for rejection to be given and received; for the requisite torrid affair and its inevitable hangover, giving way to summer’s languor. So, “after such knowledge what forgiveness?*” Indeed, Eliot pointed to the emotional vagaries of spring more eloquently than we ever could:
“April is the cruelest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.*

Okay, back to the celebrity gossip mongering and media insults.

Friday, March 26, 2004


Howell Raines' literary agent Mark Reiter says the former Timesman will not be writing a book about his experiences at the Gray Lady. 20,000 words (the length of his Atlantic piece) sounds like a book to me. Also, no word on whether Raines will flog the Atlantic article on TV talk shows. (Paul Colford)

Is that a Jerry Springer guest? No, it's the long suffering Sadie Frost.

Pop hottie Beyonce is to star opposite Steve Martin in the upcoming Pink Panther project. (NME)

I Guess You Weren't Such a Big "Stealing Beauty*" Fan Then, Huh Steve?

"Ms. Tyler, whose monotone matches a face that's the equivalent of pasteurized milk, has never been blander. Instead of a presence, she's an absence."

So Good It Has to be Blind III

"What nubile, young socialite/model slipped word of her own father's affair to Page Six?" (Thanks to our Deep Throat)

Cruise, Cruz--Splitsville

Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruise have ended their three year old relationship. Of course, the two "remain good friends and still talk often." But then, all they ever did was talk, if they even did that.
Cruise has been cleaning house lately, firing his long term agent to install a Scientologist. I guess Cruz just wasn't down with the new regime. The man just gets scarier all the time.

Thanks! We'll Take It Under Consideration

An anonymous reader of this blog sent us this link to a column by none other than Billy Grahm, with the following quote cited:

"Face honestly your sin of gossiping, and commit it -- and your whole life -- to Christ."
The Daily Dose

Publicity whore Janice Dickenson came to a "Top Model" party with staples in her dome from a facelift performed several days early. Dickenson reportedly made a complete ass out of herself, taking her plastic surgeon to the party as "guest of honor." She reportedly sang the praises of the nip and tuck saying "...It's OK to have your face done, your breasts done and to resculpt yourselves." Insanely put, we don't necessarily disagree though. (SF Chronicle)

Kim Mathers, Motown party-girl and ex-wife of Eminem, is back in the slammer. Maybe next time you go to court sweetheart, you might want to wear something a little less er--revealing. (E! Online)

Material Girl

Madonna's Maverick record label has slapped Warner Music with "a breach of contract lawsuit seeking $200 million in damages and an end to the 12-year-old joint-venture between the two firms." (Reuters)

Thursday, March 25, 2004

Or You Could Just Take One Look at RW Apple

"Lest you get the impression all reporters are hot, young and female, David Arquette plays an aspiring journalist who witnesses the final moments of a kingpin drug dealer's life in 'Never Die Alone.'" (Chicago Tribune--Reg. req. {Via I Want Media})

More Mined Gossip

According to the Daily Mirror Kate Moss has given boyfriend Jefferson Hack his marching orders. The 3AM girls quote one of the "couple's closest friends" as saying Hack wanted to get married, but "(Kate) still sees herself as a free spirit and didn't want to make that sort of commitment." Mind you, this is the same column that reported the first thing Hack ever said to Moss was "you smell of Wee." Yeah, we'll have to use that sometime.

A Boston Judge orders Bobby Brown to pay $63,500 of back child support to his ex-girlfriend Kim Ward. They have two teenaged children together. (IBS)

Dr. Ink to Jack Kelley

"At least Jayson Blair burned down his master's house. Jack Kelley, you have burned down your own house. Our house. The 'white' house."

Department of Extended Timesian Metaphors

Howell Raines constructs an incredibly elaborate metaphor for why Sulzberger Jr. cant fill his old man's boots. Semper Fidelis!

"'The difference between Punch and Arthur is the difference between the Marine Corps, where Punch had his formative experience, and Outward Bound, where Arthur had his,' Raines writes. Both experiences teach you how to get to the top of the mountain, he notes, 'but Arthur wants it to be touchy feely along the way.'"

Mined Gossip

I just can't get into the whole Raines saga right now. Despite my sometimes assertions to the contrary, when it comes to drinking, all things considered, I'm a bit of a wuss. Oh well, here's some (mined) gossip.

Bobby DeNiro's father, the modernist painter, was gay.

And the son just can't resist those Black women, but there was one Black woman that could resist him--Whitney Houston, who took her parents' and Clive Davis' advice to get with someone younger. Because, as we know, that always turns out so well! (Page Six)

Kobe Bryant's accuser is looking tanned and refreshed after detox in Florida. (NYDN)

That big bruiser and Downtown fixture, Paul Sevigny, keeps the peace in a SoHo restaurant. (Lloyd Grove--Last Item)

Bill Cosby won't sit next to Condi Rice. Hopefully it's for political reasons. We couldn't agree with you more Bill. (Lloyd Grove)

Kevin Smith pleads for words of encouragement on his message board because he knows "Jersey Girl" is a dog. (News Askew {Via Gawker})

My Blog Lives For This Kind of Scoop

When Britney Spears wants to fly under the radar in the Big Apple she'll call up a Bronx bad-boy to squire her around different low-key bars. The pop hottie's routine is to call this decidedly non-celeb when she's ready to play and have him pick her up. You would be very surprised to know what kind of car the odd pair rides around town in.
Tut, tut my dear, what would Jamie Spears Sr. say if he knew you were so intent on getting your mitts on his buddy's stash?

Here's a nice pic of Britney with her nipple ring to go along with my item.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Next Time, Howell, You Might Want to Depend on Evidence a Mite Less Subjective

If there was any doubt that Gawker is an absolute neccessity for publishing-types and those waiting in the wings to take their place, they were put to rest today by the excerpting of the Raines Atlantic story. It has as much of the article as E&P, the bits just as choice.

But, the funniest pullquote, from the E&P article is: "I passed Jayson's desk often after his return, and I saw in him a level of vitality and social engagement that I took to be evidence of recovery..."

Perhaps, it was more evidence to the fact that Jayson was tipping off to the bottom of the stairwell to blow drug dealers, and huff up the gains in one fall swoop from the top of an upturned mop bucket.

Now, In Really Important News...

Yoanna House is "America's Next Top Model." This proves what we've known all along; that bitchiness, trash-talking and an unending desire to screw everyone breeds success.

So, what now? Well, we dig, dig for the dirt on this fledgling mannequin. It's already common knowledge that Yoanna was once fat... Well wait. Is there any thing worse than that? Even Shandi's felony conviction pales alongside the crime obesity. (UPN)

...And for Doing Work Around the House

"She has what she calls a blue-collar weakness; she has fantasies of robust non-Jews who work at hauling stuff. 'I don’t want a little weenie Jewish boy.'" (NYO)
SJF, Anne Frank Type, Seeks a Schindler for Dating, Role-Play

"(my Goy-toys) think I’m paranoid. I draw certain parallels between 1930’s Germany and life today in the U.S. They think I’m nuts. But then I say something like: 'You just don’t understand.' And they are putty in my hands. I become their little Anne Frank. Their Jewish girl on the verge of extinction. And only they can protect me."

Finally, Something About Tom Cruise We Can Agree With

"Citing the dullness of Mr. Cruise’s late 2003 Dateline interview with Ms. Couric, in which the actor called his rebound girlfriend Penélope Cruz a 'good girl,' the publicist said: 'I don’t think you’d TiVo him.'" (NYO)

Someone Too 0ld, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Rhythm and Blues, Something Hip Hop

Pierce Brosnan might be too long in the tooth to play 007 in the next James Bond flick. So who will be tapped to play Her Majesty's suavest spook? The short list includes Colin Farrell, Jude Law and Orlando Bloom. Oh yeah, and Hugh Jackman--Jesus, in that case why not Rupert Everett? (Daily Mirror, WABC affiliate)

Which very, very A-List actor starred in his own private episode of "Cops" when he was busted for sicking his bodyguard on a lovelorn rival? My man on the inside tells me the pretty-boy actor took the encounter with NY finest with an air of sang-froid--but only after he was blocked from making a quick getaway in his limo.

Did Courtney Love Want to shag fattened crooner Robbie Williams? (India 123)

Aretha Franklin hospitilized for an "allergic reaction." (Detroit Free Press)

Busta Rhymes gets six months probation for shoving his girl's head into a table. What a sweetheart. (AP)

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

The Next Time Someone Accuses Us of Drinking Too Much, Snorting Too Much Cocaine, Etc.

"(Her spirtual adviser) said Houston’s problems were not necessarily the result of drug abuse. They were the result of a continuous lifestyle."

In That Case Can We Buy You Dinner?

"'The things that have kept me from doing a Spalding Gray,' (Al Goldstein) said, 'are my wonderful wife—who's 28; eat your fuckin' hearts out—and my weight loss, which allows me to see my little Jewish cock for the first time in 25 years!'"

First Tina Brown, Then Caitlin Flanagan and Now This

"Today, according to New Yorker publisher David Carey, more people read the weekly in California than in New York. 'It's become the cool thing to read The New Yorker in California," Carey boasted last week'" (Voice)

Slate Goes on the Road With G.G.W.

"It's amazing," says Leist. 'People flash for the brand. Debbie got naked for a hat.'" (Via the Blueprint)
Paris Rumors

Does Paris Hilton have cheek implants? I don't know, but take a look at this picture from 2001 and this one. Now take a look at a newer picture. Of course, it could be the lighting...
Media Beat

The New York Times and London Telegraph are joining forces to put out an eight-page weekly version of the New York Paper as an insert with the Telegraph. The first edition of the insert will be published on Thursday. The NYT has similar arrangements with papers in several countries including France and Mexico. The Times also has a deal with Guardian in which the latter 'exclusive access to designated news, pictures and graphics.' The NYT also publishes the International Herald-Tribune.

The papers make a strange publishing team; the Telegraph is avowedly conservative and was in favor of the Gulf War. It also has the oldest demographic of all the British broadsheets. It will be interesting to see which NYT stories are chosen for the insert.

Sulzberger has been trying to develop the NYT as a more powerful International brand. The Telegraph, for it's part, is reeling from the Conrad Black scandal and needs a selling point to battle the London Times, which has slashed it's prices and introduced a Tabloid version. For now the paper has decided not to publish a Tabloid version. (Guardian)
And We Thought it Was All About Keeping a Stiff Upper-Lip

"On the question of the (London Telegraph) ownership battle he said: 'We are sitting, buttocks clenched, waiting for the next episode.'"
Really? Even Worse Than "Warlord: Battle for the Galaxy*"?

"On another occasion Carr was quoted as damning the movie as 'one of the most inept, amateur, utterly flat excuses for a film that has ever been concocted.'"
Annals of Law

Utilizing perhaps the of the worse alibi in history, Joyti De-Laurey the ambitious London secretary who stole $8.1 million from Goldman said she was given the money "a reward for being me." (Here's a pic, she couldn't get $36 and a pack of Walker's for being herself.)
The case's prosecutor cites a letter that De-Laurey wrote to God (yes, to God): "I need one more helping of what's mine upon my return and then I must cut down and cease in time all the plundering. Please ensure my job is safe and my integrity is unquestioned on my return ... And that these remain secure throughout..." There was no mention of where De-laurey addressed the letter. (News.au) (NYP)
More Mined Gossip

As if we didn't know, reality-show contestant Katrina Campins spills the beans that smooth brother Kwame Jackson is the big winner of "The Apprentice." Anybody that didn't realize that after this article in the Observer: well, read between the lines sucka. (Page Six)

Speaking of brothers and Page Six, the column is a veritable bastion of Afro-centricity today, featuring not just Kwame Jackson, but Usher, Janet Jackson and the dude that suckled at Courtney Love's hardening breast as well. As for the latter he resents the implication that he is indigent people. Indeed, he's a SUNY New Paltz graduate that lives with his parents in Morningside heights. Sounds pretty close to homeless to us…

Whole Lotta Love, II

Does crazy Courtney Love have even more troubles than the ones we know about? A look at this photo on Awfulplasticsurgery.com seem to reveal that her breast implants are hardening. (Jeanette Walls)

Monday, March 22, 2004

This is Completely Uncalled for and Gratuitous, but That Seems to be the Way This Blog is Going So...

Here's Nicole Richie's Knockers (NSFW). I'll quote some Eliot tomorrow something.

Actually, I'll quote some Eliot right now: "I think we are in a rat's alley/ Where the dead men lost their bones."

I feel a little bit better already.
Mayor Moss

That lovable crayola colored piece of puff, The Daily, has chosen a nickname for New York Mag editor-in-chief Adam Moss. And the winner is... The wonderfully inventive "Mayor Moss."
Our own, "A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss" was given an honorable mention. We still like "After Caroline Miller Got the Toss Moss," however.

So Good It's Got to be Blind, II

Which big money Private Detective and former "hero cop" is said to have spent "millions" on blow? My informant tells me that the highly respected shamus rarely goes into his tony offices because he's so interested in nocturnal activities.
More Beef at America's Top Model

Nutty has-been Janice Dickenson disses Kimora Lee Simmons (otherwise known as the best argument for a pre-nup) in her second book "Everything About Me is Fake and I'm Perfect." The self proclaimed "first supermdel" writes about an encounter with Russel Simmons' wife on America's Top Model, where they both served as judges "[I said] Hey, Miss Thing, trim those hooker nails. Mine are fakes but at least they're good fakes."

Everytime Dickenson opens her mouth I'm reminded of a cross between Courtney Love and the unfortunate Alzheimic incarnation of Rita Hayworth. (NYDN)

Thinking of Joining Orkut ?You Might First Want to Consider--

Orkut Buyukkokten on Orkut Buyukkokten:
"'I have been told that I have a colorful personality, and perhaps that is why my friends have given me more nicknames than I can remember. O-Man, Big-O, Orc, Yogi, Ivy’s Bitch (if you were not there, never mind), Party Animal, OrCute, Orkuttino, Kooter, O, Dostum, and Smooth are some of the ones that I recall at the first hand.'” (New Yorker, I swear)

Did it ever occur to Orkut that the guys that called him "Ivy's Bitch" and "Kooter" weren't necessarily complimenting him? But, for some reason if you do want to be one of Orkut's friendsters just call him douchey or Orkut Bukkake and you'll be BFFs.

This Weekend We Learned...

That Donny Deutsch is so possessive of his better half that he rarely lets her go out with her girlfriend. My snitch tells me that the muscular ad-man demanded that his wife Stacy scuttle plans for a girls’ night out to join him in the CNBC studio for the taping of "The Big Idea." Maybe he wants to make sure that at least one person is watching the gab-fest.

Wrap That Shit in Gauze or Something

We're surprised that we haven't seen anybody mention the condition of Courtney Love's fucking left hand (scroll down) in the infamous Wendy's picture.

Will the Real Belle de Bore er--Jour Please Stand Up

“This (controversy) is rubbish and far too meta for my taste. I want to write about the usual things again. Let us return to the suck/fuck/sleep/gossip, shall we?”

On Friday, the insufferable Belle de Jour was outed in the London Times and Daily Mail (subscription only respectively) as Sarah Champion, a thirty-three year old British freelance writer living in San Francisco. It was Don Foster, who famously outed Joe Klein that had seemingly cracked the case “using little more than common sense, the internet and the vagaries of the English language.”
Sarah Champion was not without friends on the Fleet Street, however. (We're sure it has nothing to do with that lucrative book deal.) In any case, The Independent defended Champion in a leader and a column; in the latter Rowan Pelling arguing that Champion couldn't be Belle because he had met Belle (subscription), and the Observer gave her a column to deny the charges. Her argument for not being the anonymous blogger is basically 'how could I be Belle when I was never a call girl.' Convaincre pas très mon cher.

The "mystery" isn't quite put to rest yet, though. Three other names, all men--one the boyfriend of Champion--have also been put forward as candidates for the title of the highest paid hooker in the blogosophere.

And a bit of Saturday, too... With Timesman Dave Grohl:

"(Paris Hilton's) forthcoming singing debut: sign of the apocalypse or inevitable career move? Perhaps both. Granted, I haven't heard it yet, but I'm looking forward to this like I look forward to the next Christopher Guest movie."

Nice job Dave, a little obvious, though. Nobody will ever be able to say that the ugly one that played with Nirvana doesn't play ball.

Adventures in Sunday Journalism

Who knew? "The O.C." is genius. Who knew? Dudes with Mohawks and safety pins in their noses aren't always geniuses. Politicians, whores and fur coats get respectable with old age.

Finally, In the print version of the Week In Review, John Tierney describes Kerry and Bush as "two WASPS with prominent pedigrees," online the passage reads " two young men with prominent pedigrees." As most of us know, the former version is a mistake; so why isn't there a correction online?

Schadenfreude Alert--Paris Thrown From a Horse

"Reality TV star Paris Hilton was airlifted to a hospital at the weekend after being thrown from a horse during filming of the hit series, The Simple Life... Co-star Nicole Richie was with Hilton on location and travelled with her to the hospital"

What, no riding lessons when you were a kid?

Friday, March 19, 2004

Britters Cancels Show

Britney Spears, perhaps drunk off her ass, almost literally broke a leg last night.
The pop diva suffered a knee injury while engaging in her lame-ass dance moves during a show in Moline, Illinois (we're guessing it's someone near Chicago). (AP)

Pee Wee is Guilty

Actor Paul Reubens, made famous for his portrayal of the man-child Pee-Wee Herman has copped a guilty plea to misdemeanor kiddie porn charges. "Under the agreement Reubens will serve three years' probation and pay a $100 fine. He must also register as a sex offender during his probation." The actors attorney argued that what the state found obscene was really "historic art." Well, we're sure it had a very Greek theme, at least (yeah, we know). (NBC Affiliate)

Whole Lotta Love

Amazingly, trouble for the singer struck again for a second time in two days--
Roger Friedman is reporting that Courtney Love fell on a Daily News photographer at the Bowery Ballroom last night: "Kushner, a petite brunette, got kneed in the neck so badly she had to be taken from the club by paramedics to a local hospital." The photog charges the mad rocker, who claims to be "turning 40" this year, intentionally assaulted her because she was angry that pics were being snapped.

Jayson II: Middle America

Besides its reputation as a dumbed down broadsheet and the fact that it is given away free at Holiday Inns, USA today now has another strike against it.
A 21 year veteran of the paper, Jack Kelley has joined the honor roll of American plagiarists including Janet Cooke, Mike Barnicle, Stephen Glass and Jayson Blair.
USA Today's editors have found the reporter plagiarized large portions of "eight major stories." In January Kelley copped to misleading an internal audit with the help of a translator; he claimed that apart from that his methods were sound, however. He once concocted a story about a woman who had died leaving Cuba by boat and used a picture of a Cuban woman to verify the story. The woman in the picture neither escaped from Cuba by boat nor had died. She was, however, Cuban.
No word yet on whether Kelley has signed a book deal. (AP) (USA Today)

Uncle Sam Giving it to Gays in the Ass

Scott Bloch, the new special counsel is saying that homosexuals working for the federal government are not protected against discrimination. “People confuse conduct and sexual orientation as the same thing, and I don’t think they are,” the viper said to explain his position. Bloch goes on to say that someone's sexual orientation status is different than her behavior. This is the same bullshit that social conservatives have been saying for twenty years. Essentially, "it's okay to be gay but not act gay."
Interestingly enough, probably the most famous Republican homo of all time; Roy Cohn reversed that paradigm, he took it up the ass by more guys than Freddie Mercury, yet wasn't gay.
Oh yeah, by the way, the Republican Governor of Texas, Rick Perry, is widely rumored gay. (Wonkette) (365 Gay {Via Wonkette})

(Fake) Media Beat

A Californian was sentenced to one year in jail and fined $27,000 dollars for posing as FHM editor Adam Winer. The con artists shared the name of the laddie magazine editor. From NBC San Diego's affiliate: "Winer pleaded guilty Thursday to identity theft, false personation (sic) and six counts of grand theft."

The evil Winer also tricked a woman into quitting her job and coming to work for him as an "assistant." No word yet on what the "assistant's" job duties were. (Via Media Bistro)

Breaking Buzz

The National Enquirer is going to publish pictures of a barefoot Courtney Love getting her tits sucked in a Wendy's by an unknown gentleman. No word yet on which issue it will be in.

The press only reported today that Love was "flashing" people in the Union Square fast food joint.

Media Beat

No love for VF--Graydon Carter's 17 year streak of consecutive National Magazine Award nomination is broken. An "insider" claims Carter's celebrity obsessions are what cost him the nominations. (Roger Friedman)

Despite a massive publicity blitz Jayson Blair's book has only sold 1,386 copies. (Paul Colford)

Cosmo Agony Aunt Irma Kurtz is jumping ship to Hearst's Glamour. (Keith Kelly)

Viacom is slapped with a 27 grand fine for an undisclosed violation by Howard Stern. The FCC will only say that the fine is due to graphic descriptions of "deviant sex." Looks like Stern is getting up the ass to me. (NYDN)

A Bio-pic of Pete Rose is being produced for ESPN. (U Gossip)

More Mined Gossip Than You Can Shake a Stick At

Aimee Osbourne has sicked the fuzz on girls gone wild Nicole Richie and Casey Johnson claiming that the Debbie dissing duo harassed her. A West Hollywood Cop is quoted as saying: "Richie and a friend, Casey Johnson, made numerous annoying phone calls to Aimee." The investigation is described as active. (SF Chronicle)

Is 67 year old "fossil" (his nickname) Lord Rothschild giving Nicole Kidman the gilded Shlang? (Fox)

Alex Von Furstenberg Flies Jet Blue--sucker. (Cindy Adams--2nd item)

Omarosa is bringing it Tawana Brawley style, insisting she was called a nigger on "The Apprentice." But honestly, I'm not so sure that she's lying. I mean nothing on that show is said off camera? (AP)

Breathing blow-up toy Jessica Simpson told Gale Norton, Secretary of the Interior "You've done a nice job decorating the White House." (ABC Affiliate)

Citing Lack of Evidence a Florida Court has dropped kiddie porn charges against R&B singer R. Kelly. (Reliable Source)

Sadie Frost is a lazy cow. (Bizarre)

Residents of Trump Tower are sicker than most of us at having to look at the "You're Fired" sign strung up over the entrance to the building. (Lloyd Grove)

Thursday, March 18, 2004

Without a Shred of Hyperbole

"Allowing Jayson Blair to judge the ethics of a writer—or publication—is a little like green-lighting Josef Mengele to lead a malpractice investigation of Marcus Welby." (Slate)

Donald to Own "You're Fired!"

Apparently, if Donald Trump gets his way he will be able to summarily remand anyone who uses the term "your fired!" to specially appointed Victorian style debtors' prisons. From what we know about the Bush administration this act will be passed with a verve heretofore unknown on Capitol Hill. Well, were exaggerating just a little bit, but he is trying to copyright the phrase.
So, this gave us a very good idea. There are plenty of yet un-copyrighted phrases that people would just love to see on tee shirts, coffee mugs and bumper stickers that we're sure could rake in big bucks. How about "fuck you!" "drop dead!" or even the under appreciated, yet still popular "Hello." We're sure that they are all still in the public domain.

Maybe He Should Start With USA Today

"Vollmann comes to an explanation is to say that if the work has any value, both George Bush and Osama bin Laden might read it and reconsider their motivations, their justifications, their embrace of violence as an absolute." (LA Weekly)

A.O. Scoop--So Good It's Got to Be Blind

Well, something popped. What very famous senior senator once slapped his press secretary when the poor flack couldn't come through with a coke connection? The flack was so humiliated he quit the high profile job.

Thursday is Pop Bitch Day II

"One of the masseurs who auditioned recently says that a few minutes into the massage the high-flying movie star pulled off the towel, pointed at his wanger and said 'I'm kind of tight in this area. Can you do some work here?' The masseur declined." (Popbitch)

The "high-flying" star must be John Travolta whose love of flying jets is well known. Whether the item is true, however, I cannot confirm.

And more fun stuff from PB: "a journalist who interviewed Bobby Brown some years ago got to Bobby's hotel suite at 3am, remembers Bobby greeting them, stagger into the bathroom, pull down his trousers, do several huge lines and then stagger back into the room for the interview, pants still round his ankles."

Enough dirt for today unless something really pops.

He Wore a Yellow Ribbon?*

Was legendary Hollywood he-man director John Ford into guys? That's what Maureen O'hara is saying in her memoir "`Tis Herself." Ford, who by his own account "killed more Indians than anyone since Custer (in his films)" is known for such classic Westerns as "Fort Apache," and "The Searches."
O'hara who worked with Ford in "The Quiet Man" writes "Ford had his arms around another man and was kissing him. I was speechless." It's nice to see that even 73 year old "Hollywood Royalty" is so desperate to get ink for her book she'll out a dead old friend. Next they'll be saying that John Wayne was a drag queen. (Daily Mail)

Love Hurts

After a wacky interview with Letterman in which Courtney Love flashed her boobs the singer was arrested for splitting a dudes head open with a microphone at an "impromptu" gig at Plaid. No word on what sparked the outburst. She was taken to the ninth precinct on E5th Street where she wailed uncontrollably. Updates inevitable.(AP) (Gawker)

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Virgin Swallows

"...Nothing will prepare you for the men’s room in the newly-designed Virgin Airways Clubhouse in New York’s John F. Kennedy airport, terminal 4: Urinals shaped like a woman’s mouth, dolled up with red lipstick, wide open and ready for business."

Speaking of nasty shizit, Lizzie Grubman claims that the secret to maintaining her good looks (say what?) is "no alcohol ever!" And tons of blow, natch. (The Daily)

Restaurant Wars

The Durst Corporation (yes, that Durst) is the company that was to rent me a space for my restaurant. They are also building a BOFA Headquarters on 43 St. between 6th Ave. & Bway (across from the space), using Liberty Bonds earmarked for downtown. How did they get their hands on those, I wonder? It wouldn't have anything to do with a very sympathetic Bloomberg would it?
In any case, cronyism exists. So, I thought it was more than reasonable to ask for a ten-year lease since the massive construction project would take at least five years. Even a guaranteed extension at market rate would have been acceptable. Because after all when BOFA goes up that's where the bonanza comes in. The upshot is, they wouldn't even go for that. Why? Well it turns out that they wanted to use me as a wedge between now and when the new skyscraper goes up, when they would install a family member in the lucrative location.


"The (Tennessee) county that was the site of the Scopes 'Monkey Trial' over the teaching of evolution is asking lawmakers to amend state law so the county can charge homosexuals with crimes against nature." (AP)

Media Beat

Gannett will be paying former CFO Larry Miller $600,000 for the rest of his life. This is forty grand more a year than Miller was making when he was actually working for Gannett. It's so nice to see that with circulation so far down, newspaper publishers are making the really tough choices and tightening their belts. (Via Romenesko)

Page Six accuses Vanity Fair of being soft on Conrad Black because a contributing editor, Vicky Ward, is married to the disgraced Tory press baron's step-nephew. Wait--say that again? Seems a little far-fetched to me. (2nd item)

You Mean You Didn't Want a Snootful of Ass With Your Martini?

"Later in the evening, some of the lazier hirelings began lounging on the runway/bar, making it easier to order, but just as easy to get a snootful of ass when the order-taker turned away to get it filled."

Some Random Gossip

Jade Jagger sent Kate Moss a necklace with the word "SLAG" on it, which the former had, of course, designed herself. (London Daily Mail)

Anderson Cooper is (gasp) gay, claims Michael Musto, and knocks the Observer for not outing him first. Next Musto will be outing Sam Champion.

Charles Saatchi's new stable of freakazoid artists includes a heroin addict, an ex-stripper, a Japanese drag queen and a security guard. The upcoming exhibition will be called "New Blood." (Independent)

Lisa Marie said on Australian TV that she divorced MJ because she was tired of seeing things that she "couldn't do anything about."

Courtney Love broke down in tears in court yesterday after the judge admonished her not to speak. She allegedly arrived two hours late in a "playful mood." (Drudge)

The Dark Side With Soul Brother Number 1, Jayson X

"This is what we came for—dispatches from the Big House, confirmation that it was neither coke nor crazy that brought him down, that it was the lord of our sorry world, the scourge of our days, the one who rages against us as sure as storms and unites us in enmity—the White Man."
(Ed. note--The last Blair post until he checks his ass into Creedmore.)

Bottom Cargo

"(Cargo's has a Feature) 'Honey, Does This Embroidered Shirt Make Me Look Gay?' the not-tongue-in-cheek-enough piece then decides, 'Kinda, if it has . . . busy patterns.' Well, the A.D.D.-currying magazine happens to be so busily designed, it clearly takes it up the ass!"

NYTBR Marching to the Right?

Sam Tanenhaus will give more space in NYTBR to books that interest conservatives, the new editor tells Rachel Donadio. Tanenhaus was writing a biography of liberal bete noire William F. Buckley Jr. when he was tapped for his new job. Oh, Keller what have you wrought? Teachout, blogger's darling and Mencken expert, is quoted in defense of Tanenhaus: "Sam is neither conservative nor neoconservative. He is an old-fashioned anti-communist Jewish liberal intellectual who still gets excited about Saul Bellow." All the old-fashioned liberal intellectuals I know are liberals--except maybe Bill Safire and he just plays an intellectual on TV. All that being said, I loved Tanenhaus' Whittaker Chambers bio. (Observer)

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

No, Please Kill Me

"Friday night. Another party, another gathering, another group of randomly slapped-together people, striving to make conversation, failing. Then, out of nowhere, one person randomly says, 'Hey, did anybody read Chuck Klosterman's piece in Esquire this month? ...This is now happening every month'"

That's Will Leitch kids, explaining why Chuck Klosterman is our generations Norman Mailer: a must read for cocktail party wags. Indeed, I don't doubt Leitch's story above one bit. Very often when I'm at a party some semiotics scholar will ask everyone in attendance "did you read last month's Maxim?" Or an unpublished novella writer will yell fitfully "I can't live without the good folks at FHM!"

Lovers' Leap--A Kiss Before Dying

"Clare Barnes shared a mid-air kiss with her skydiving boyfriend to celebrate her 200th jump. Seconds later she plunged to her death." (London Times--Subscription)

Happy St. Paddy's From A.O.

Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day. May the wind be always at your back and all that. I personally will be celebrating with green cocaine. How will my Irish-American friends be marking the day? Here's what three of them say:

"Listening to the Wolfe Tones. Having a shot of Jameson's at nine in the morning. Top o' the morning to ya."

"Hiding a bottle of Wild Irish Rose under my desk at (large investment firm), Corned Beef and Cabbage at the Blarney Stone."

"Taking three generic (green) Klonopins--St. Paddy's is for amateurs"

Erin Go Bragh!

Strange Bedfellows

Fox News is going to do their best to promote Jayson Blair's memoir. Blair said Fox is willing to have him on because it allows them to discuss the "The Times' liberal social agenda." This would seem to make dubious Blair's claim that he is primarily interested in raising people's awareness about mental illness, drug addiction and racism. Then again, Blair is obviously off his fucking rocker and will say whatever he thinks people want to hear. (NYDN)

"Greatest Love of All"--Whitney Back in Rehab

"Grammy-winning pop singer Whitney Houston entered a rehabilitation facility Monday evening, her publicist said." (AP)

In the Land of the Blind the One Eyed, Etc... II

"Which married supermodel used to be the regular filling in the sexual sandwich of a famous, recently-divorced couple? The husband is an A-list actor whose wife suffered a mental meltdown during their split, perhaps, some say, because she feared her hubby had sired their threesome partner's baby." (NYP)
Oh come on that's easy. The couple's fucktoy is Kate Moss. The actor is Jude Law and the poor dear that had the breakdown is, of course, Sadie Frost.

(Ed. note--Gawker notes that Kate and Jefferson Hack are not married, which is true, but we're not so sure the whole item is bullshit; meaning, the Kate and Sadie part of the sandwich is almost certainly true.)

Please Ralph, Get Lost

"The candidacy of Ralph Nader looms as a potentially lethal threat to Democratic hopes of regaining the White House: With Mr. Nader in the race, Mr. Bush leads Mr. Kerry by 46 percent to 38 percent, with Mr. Nader drawing 7 percent of the votes." (NY Times)
Fairy Tale

Clive Wodall, an English supermarket manager has scored $1M from Disney for "One for Sorrow," a children's book he wrote after his marriage collapsed. The studio plans to make the book into an animated feature. Wodall is reportedly splitting the gelt with his "friend," who pitched the book around the Colony. (Guardian) (BBC)

Monday, March 15, 2004

Smack it Up, Flip it, Rub it Down

Noelle J at Sit and Spin says that hand-jobs are the new black. She even has a spicy "new" moniker for the old standby of social-bounding Sorority prudes: she calls them HJ's. Tres edgy.
"This is where the beauty of the hand job comes in. Otherwise known as the HJ, this form has seen a resurgence of popularity in recent years as girls and boys decide to keep their numbers down."
Uggh--bitch, please. The only thing worse than an "HJ" for a guy is getting his favorite fucking tee-shirt stolen in the morning. (Via Gawker)

MJ and Kevin Smith's Folie à Deux

MJ pitched a script to Kevin Smith that would have featured the former pop superstar transmogrifying into a car and driven by a little boy, the director tells Playboy in next month's issue. Smith says that he only reluctantly turned the movie down "I’d love to make that movie. But it wouldn’t be anything like the version Jackson or the studio wanted to see.” The proposed flick was to be called "Hot Rod." Jackson's disturbing psychosexual issues aside, what the hell does this item say about Smith's tastes in movies? (Jeanette Walls)

Mild, Mild West

The power of Wal-Mart has turned the once rebellious editor of the "alternative" Salt Lake City Weekly newspaper into a quivering ball of Jell-O. The frightening monopoly yanked the weekly from its shelves after a crotchety reader discovered the word "fuck" in it." John Saltas, the weeklies editor, who once said "It's bullshit to put asterisks in place of letters..." said about the incident "It took Wal-Mart and a Christian person to get my attention that I wasn't watching it thoroughly." What a punk. (via Romenesko)

Boss Moss

Does NY Mag editor Adam moss desperately need nickname? The Daily says so and is proposing "Mossy," "Major Moss," "El Moss-mo," and "High Gloss Moss." To which we add: "a-rolling-stone-gathers-no-Moss," "Boss Moss," "Moss-the-clothes-Hoss," "gave-Caroline Miller-the-toss-Moss," and "At-a-loss-on-what-to-do-to-with-New-York-Mag-Moss." Although, admittedly, those last two are a little long. (The Daily)

Lizzie's Dad, Whizzy Grubman

New York Mag is reporting that Walter Yentikoff's publisher, Broadway, is removing "two instances of decidedly unexecutive (read: really, really vulgar) behavior that, if true, would have been humiliating for (Allen) Grubman," from the former's memoir. Come on, just say it Schoeneman. The “unexecutive” behavior that Yentikoff claims to have engaged in: Pissing on Grubman. (NYM)

Ariel Foxman--'If You Believe What You've Just Read, I Have an $800 Cowboy Shirt That Would Look Magnificent On You'

The thing that I wanted to know about the first issue of Cargo Magazine was; what would the Editor’s Letter say? Well, for the most part here it is below—with a translation in a vein that Ana Marie Cox made "famous." Besides the Editor's Letter, another interesting thing about Cargo is that it doesn’t even pretend to be a traditional Fashion Magazine, wherein what is featured depends on the season. Cargo touts coats, wool shirts and heavy cardigans; all in time for the warm Spring months. But, on the other hand, if you’re a press agent that needs to the sell the idea of Brazilian Bikini waxing to anxious male twenty-somethings, Cargo is the place!

The Editor’s Letter
"For some it was the first day of school. For others it was the last. But for me, the most thrilling day of the academic year was when Bookmobile rolled into the parking lot and opened for business."

What it Means
When will you finally be proud of me daddy?

The Editor’s Letter
"The trailer lined with shelves and teeming with brand new library-approved paperbacks, was my idea of Nirvana."

What it Means
I don’t rock the boat.

The Editor’s Letter
"Not because I was a big reader—I always preferred Highlights and Dynamite to anything with a bona fide binding…"

What it Means
I’m just as big a clown as you are.

The Editor’s Letter
"…And not because I had money to burn."

What it Means
My Father is the head of a large, non-profit organization.

The Editor’s Letter
"What Excited me about the Bookmobile was the twisted notion that a store might actually seek out its shoppers."

What it Means
If you believe what you've just read, I have an $800 Cowboy Shirt by Gucci that would look magnificent on you.

The Editor’s Letter
"Having enjoyed the retail house call early in life, I was left wanting more."

What it Means
I had a summer job when I was in college.

The Editor’s Letter
"If only the lobby vending machine would climb the six floors to dorm room. If only Circuit City would roll up to my apartment with a selection of 24-inch TV’s, …"

What it Means
I suffer from frequent psychotic episodes.

The Editor’s Letter
"…So I could be sure the one I wanted fit in my entertainment center."

What it Means
Mental Asylums are for the poor.

The Editor’s Letter
"If only Saks Fifth Avenue would send over a couple of garment bags filled with new shirts just before I headed out on a Saturday night."

What it Means
SI gave me this job as a favor to my father.

The Editor’s Letter
"While we don’t bring the actual merchandise to your door, we do tell you everything you need to know about it."

What it Means
We will shill for anyone.

The Editor’s Letter
"We test, try on, taste and tinker with everything we put in the magazine."

What it Means
We will shill for anyone—for the right price, that is.

The Editor’s Letter
"Our goal isn’t simply to show you what’s out there, but to tell you how well each product lives up to its promise, how it compares with its competitors, and whether or not it’s worth the manufacturer’s suggested retail price."

What it Means
In case you didn’t notice all the Kelly Green on the cover: This magazine is filled with some very expensive shit.

The Editor’s Letter
"Now if we only could get that vending machine to deliver."

What it Means
I’ve been in therapy twice a week since I was twelve.

"Inspiration" is One Word For it, I Guess; "Benzadrine" Would Probably be a More Accurate One, Though.

"He did, after all, write 'The Dharma Bums,' his follow-up to 'On the Road,' in a two-week fit of inspiration here...'"

And, For Those That Missed Jack Shafer's Review of Jayson Blair's Memoir, I've Boiled it Down a Bit:

Blair, "most alive when hoodwinking someone," is a "kamikaze con artist" who "was always a thief." Moreover, he "barely has the talent to work as a cub reporter on a smalltown daily." Of course he has written a "sloppy, padded and dishonest book" that "rappels down Mount Excuse," and is "just another installment in his ongoing con."
Don't cry for him though, because "such an insult probably won't faze Blair, who knows his limitations." (NYTBR)

Well Jesus, Who Wouldn't Get Enthusiastic Over All That?

"His real enthusiasms seem to be barhopping, Scotch swilling, partying, cocaine scoring and snorting, joy riding the streets of New York City in the Times company car, and playing the toadying, push-and-shove high-risk game of office politics." (NYTBR)

Drudge Calls for Theresa Heinz-Kerry to Commit Suicide

"If (Theresa Heinz-Kerry) is talking about overpopulation, I don't really have a problem if she commits suicide right now"
--Matt Drudge on his radio show, early this morning. Developing...

Friday, March 12, 2004

Snarkback, II

From Slate's Jack Shafer:
"...Where I came from, if you intend to kill the puppy for fun, you must first make friends with it for a few days so there's a whiff of surprise when the slaughter arrives. Not so with Gawker and Wonkette." (via Whatevs)
Another Foggy Bottom Columnist in NY

Washington City Paper editor Tom Scocca will be writing the NY Observer's "Off the Record" media column the Boston Phoenix blog is reporting. Scocca is replacing Sidhar Papppu who left the paper a few weeks ago to write for Sports Illustrated. (via Media Bistro)
Page Six Gets Bitchslapped

War of NY gossips? Today Lloyd Grove opened up on Page Six, claiming that Paula Froelich is doing Entertainment Tonight's bidding by dishing nasty on Access Hollywood syndicated columnist Billy Bush. Froelich is on ET's payroll, but says she had nothing to do with the Bush item. Bullshit, right? Well, of course. And indeed, now Froelich is backpedaling; she admits that she phoned "'Access Hollywood' publicist Kelly Colello... for an item on Bush's alleged misbehavior." For her part, unconvincingly, the reporter claims to have been helping out a another reporter with an item. We would like to see Lloyd Grove and Richard Johnson do this Uptown style with switchblades, Glocks and shit. (NYDN)

Republicans are Evil, Dems are Pussies: Lunatic Fringe Co-opts Congress

"By a 391-22 vote, the House of Representatives today passed the Broadcast Decency Enforcement Act of 2004. The proposed legislation would hike the maximum FCC fine for the airing of broadcasts deemed indecent from $27,500 to $500,000." (Radio & Records)

In the Land of The Blind the One Etc...

The 3AM girls have a blind item hinting that John Travolta is gayer than a three legged horse. No not because he's homosexual--which I guess he is. Rather, because he sends his beard and toyboy both huge bouquets of flowers on the first of every month. Pussy. (Daily Mirror)

I Guess Affleck Never Saw Rubens' Bacchus
In a letter to the editor in April's Vanity Fair (comes out later today), Ben Affleck, scared shitless for his flagging career, shamelessly goes down on Harvey Weinstien.

"I certainly never got the feeling that Harvey thinks
he is God. It's hard to believe you're a deity with
that many crumbs on your shirt

-Ben Affleck, letter to the editor, VF (Thanks Beat Royalty)

Thursday, March 11, 2004

See You All Tomorrow

Please, gentle readers, excuse my absence today. I'm never one to give in to easy to a hangover but, white wine, kangaroo, Southern Comfort shots (yes, I know), mojitos and ten Bass Ales are enough to bring even the heartiest of men to his knees. (And ASB, I really do like the Hudson Hotel).

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Book Closes on McGrath

Sam Tanenhaus, who is best known for a highly enjoyable biography of Whittaker Chambers, is replacing Chip McGrath as editor of the NYTBR. Tanenhaus' prose is clear and insightful so I doubt the standard of writing at NYTBR will suffer under his guidance. What his editorship will bode for reviews of literary fiction however, is open to interpretation. (Poynter)

The Fun Never Stops

Last night I had the pleasure of meeting my old girlfriend's husband. What a pleasure it was to see a rock on her finger big enough to brain Kevin Costner's fiancee! In the five years that I haven't seen her I've had fantasies of her packing on massive weight, sure the stress of teaching in a NY public school ruined her model good looks. Not a chance. Now, not only is she hot, she's hot and rich. Wait, what was she doing with me again? Luckily, the Black Table reminds me that I'm not alone: "...in our time away, you've changed and evolved and I've stayed the same." (Black Table)

Yoanna of Top Model--Old?

If anyone doubts what would happen if the producers of Top Model told the contestants of the show that the winner would be the first one to claw out the eyes of the other girls; here is one of the them, posting on a message board:

"That bitch is older then me so...GROW THE FUCK UP YOANNA! I truly disliked her personality in every way. The minute I saw her she came across as a cuntrag. Yoanna, if your reading this...I think you suck! You look very Laura Flyn Boyle meets Mr. Child molester Jackson in real life..(bad skin too) vote for her for another Naomi Campell (pretty but a bitch rag from hell) I'm praying you get eliminated..and if you win...then good luck..your far too OLD.hehehe" (Gossiplist newsletter)

Why There is no LA Gawker

"I was at a party one time and I made a comment about something I’d read in the paper, and a woman turned to me and said, ‘Did you just move out here?’ And I said yes. And she said, ‘You won’t be reading the paper much longer.’"

Give up the Gelt

After over one-hundred years of pro labor editorial policies the Forward has recognized the Newspaper Guild as the bargaining agent of its employees. Some may be surprised that the liberal weekly, which in the late nineties fired Seth Lipsky (the present editor of the NY Sun) for not "supporting the welfare state," is only now getting a union. Writers for the Forward were especially unhappy with low starting salaries. (Observer-3rd Item)

What a Guy!

Apparently, Anderson Cooper of CNN and Dan Abrams of MSNBC are different people. In fact, Cooper, Gloria Vanderbilt's son, is a new type of media star--a man much like Jim Carrey's character in the Truman Show, for America to gaze at on their TV screens lovingly, happy in the knowledge that unlike so many other highborn manques he has found meaning in his life. (Observer)

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Like Paper Magazine But With Lots of Cock

"As I thumbed through it on the subway home to Brooklyn, I got excited—excited to see the brainchild of this chick pornographer duo: something fresh, unique, and full of cock." (Voice)

Blind Item Madness

"Which award-winning Aussie movie star recently got back with her off and on toyboy but still hasn't told him she's pregnant? Well that's easy, right? Nicole Kidman and Lenny Kravitz." (London Daily Mail--Subscription Only)

Say Anything

Someone pretending to be John Cusak blogging anonymously is posting about receiving Oscar goodie bags, eating beef jerky at Chateau Marmot and the ethereal beauty of Naomi Watts. The anonymous "John Cusak" has also posted the following blind item:
"...One of the vixens who deservedly drew Red Carpet Raves: if you were to see her naked, without all the makeup and underwire, you'd think she'd played a hobbit."

I'm Sure the Raines Family Would Love To Hear From You Too Jayson

"First, (I'd tell Raines) that I am sorry. There's no way Howell could have known what I was doing, there is no way Howell was responsible for my actions, and I'd probably wish him well and wish his wife well and his kids well, and apologize." (E&P)
Capturing the Grubmans

The 3AM Girls are dishing that Lindsay Lohan, the seventeen year old star of Freaky Friday, hit on Colin Farrell but, was rejected. According to the column, "when Colin called her up and she told him her age, he said: 'Thanks, maybe in a year or so.'" Take it with a grain of salt.(3AM Girls--2nd Item)

Greasy faced, alleged gak-head Lizzie Grubman didn't come up with the tickets to the Oscars she "donated" to a celebrity auction and now is being sued. (Page Six)

In a deleted passage from his book "Howling at the Moon," Walter Yetnikoff brags that he urinated on Alan Grubman (Lizzie's Dad). (Roger Friedman--2nd Item)

Maybe We Should Ask These Guys What They Think About the First Person Plural (Alternative title: Transgenderism is the New Black)

"Paige Kruza, is biologically female but looks androgynous. Paige's roommate is male and is extremely respectful, Paige said. When referring to Paige, he uses pronouns that have evolved in the transgender community: 'ze' instead of 'he' or 'she'; 'hir' instead of 'him' or 'her.'" (Times Sunday Styles)

Every Sunday I Become a Little Bit of a Better Person

When I was three, mispronouncing the word "reincarnation," I asked my uncle if he believed in the "green carnation"--I never knew why he was so angry until two days ago:

''In fact, the subject of homosexuality was far more prevalent than it seems... 'Lavender' aunts, 'musical' young men, crooked fingers and green carnations are no longer widely understood as references to homosexuality. But the evidence is there.'' (NYTBR)

James Brown: Better at Beating his Wife Than His Demons

"...After a dispute in the bedroom, Brown pushed (his wife) to the floor, brandishing a chair as he threatened to kill her. ...If Brown is culpable it will sadly demonstrate that he has failed to beat or control the demons that have dogged him through most of the past two decades." (London Observer)

At Last, a Gentler Side of Hemingway

"Bulls do not borrow money. Bulls of 25 don't marry old women of 55 and expect to be invited to dinner. Bulls are edible after they have been killed. Fewer bulls are homosexual. Bulls may bugger but they are not cocksuckers." (Guardian Books--letter to Pound)

Threatened Timesman?

Yesterday, Lloyd Grove reported that the Nation of Islam might be gunning for Arthur Sulzberger Jr., publisher of the Times. Grove goes on to quote an "insider" as assuring the public that the eminent Timesman is laughing off the rumor: "The attitude at The Times was, 'Death threats? Get in line,'" Maybe the Times magnate shouldn't be laughing too hard, though.

In the sixties and seventies The Nation of Islam was allegedly responsible for the deaths of Malcom X (Shabazz), Clarence 13X (founder of the Five-percenters) and seven women and children including a nine month old infant, members of the breakaway Hanafi Black Muslim sect. (Lloyd Grove--4th Item)

Maybe if Mary Magdalane Showed a Little More Nippage

The Times of London is reporting that St. Luke’s Anglican Church, in Kent, is giving out tickets to the "Passion of the Christ" in the hopes of gaining converts to Christianity.
"We are competing for people’s attention with things like... Kylie Minogue’s rear end, so we are not going to get people in by running a jumble sale," the director of worship at the church said.
Well I don't know what the fuck a jumble sale is but, somehow I don't see Jim Cavaziel in a Burlap tunic on the cover of the Sun anytime soon. Well, at least I hope not. (Times of London--subscription only)

The Age Of Innocence--Circa 1990, Greater Manchester

"I remember walking into the girls' toilets and seeing half a dozen lads with elastic smiles and hard-ons straining through the fabric of their shorts. They were sitting in sinks of cold water, massaging each other with ice cubes. The air was thick with eucalyptus and protestations of undying love, and at last I was a part of it. I was 13." (London Observer--Book Excerpt)

Notice That He Studied the Stoics After He Went Broke

"...One of the last of the millionaire playboys whose free-spending ways and romantic exploits made them global celebrities... ...Mr. Guinle was either a friend or rival to other playboys like Porfirio Rubirosa*, Howard Hughes, Ali Khan and Aristotle Onassis. But he also had a serious side that expressed itself in his later years, after he had gone broke, in his study of the Stoic philosophers and a passion for music and art." (NYT)

*"Doris Duke and Barbara Hutton had, in effect, paid a million dollars to find out if other ladies were lying when they praised that kinky-haired piece of trade Porfirio Rubirosa, groaning over the fat effectiveness of that quadroon cock, a purported eleven-inch sinker thick as a man's wrist." --Truman Capote, "Unanswered Prayers"

Monday, March 08, 2004

Eli Lilly Goddess

For those of us pining to see the yet un-released (un-releasable?) "Prozac Nation," with Christina Ricci, Cinetrix has the goods. Of course, I can't help wishing Elizabeth Wurtzel played herself. It would have easily been worth ten bucks to watch her lay around a dorm room all pale and depressed in panties like some neurotic Scarlett Johansson. (Link via TMFTML.)

Drudge's Dishonest Dredging

The latest salvo against Kerry, given to Drudge by Bush supporters, reeks of desperation. An "investigation" has revealed that JFK II's official website features multiple obscenities. The piece, written by Drudge himself, claims Kerry is a hypocrite for saying "radio stations are within their right to pull Howard Stern off the air."

Drudge spins the story in a way to make it look like Kerry is screaming expletives about George Bush; in fact the curses are quotes from a variety of people culled from articles about Kerry posted on the site. For example, in a Harvard Crimson article, a voter who doesn't like the Senator is quoted as saying “I’m a Vietnam veteran and that doesn’t play shit in my book.” Drudge strings the latter quote and several others not from Kerry together following two that Kerry actually did say, in the now infamous Rolling Stone interview. Obviously, this is dishonest.

This is the type of petty issue dragged out by worried right wing politicos to curry favor with social conservatives. Unfortunately, it looks as if Kerry is going to take the expletives off the site, according to a source quoted by Drudge: "I think you'll see the offensive words removed."

Gold in These Here Hills?

Looking suspiciously like the work of a crafty press agent New York Magazine has a piece on Jason Calacanis' new venture, Weblogs inc. That said, somebody throwing money around the blogosphere can only be described as a good thing. Calacanis claims he is willing to pay bloggers more than fellow dot-com millionaire Denton, bragging that he will be able to lure a writer away from the Times into the world of blogging. In the next few years, a top writer from the Times will leave and work for Weblogs, Inc.,” he says. “Because he wants ownership. Wait and see.”
Calacanis recieved a lot of press in the late nineties for his "Silicon Valley Reporter" newsletter. (New York Magazine)

Annals of Celebrity Behavior

Lest I forget, I promised you, my readers, an embarrassing story about a public personage. Today's segment centers on the chairman of Revlon, Ron Perelman. This was when he was still married to Claudia Cohen--which perhaps, explains it. Being driven back into Manhattan from the Hamptons he was angered by the shoddy driving of his chauffeur/bodyguard. Never one to suffer fools lightly, I guess, Ron decides to hit the poor guy in the back of the head with his huge nineties style cell-phone. The car screeches to halt--the chauffeur (a tough NYC cop) wraps his hands around Perelman's neck "you motherfucker!" But, he comes to his senses. Decides to leave Perelman on the side of the road. "You can't leave me here! Don't you know who I am?"
The cop throws the keys into the woods, storms off. Ron is left with a bruised ego and no way to get home. It's all settled quietly and out of court with a nice cushy, high-paid sinecure for the cop.

Orgy of Recrimination

Those, like myself, who are tempted to read Jayson Blair's putative mea culpa for NYT dish might want to first take a look at Evan Smith's review in the San Antonio Express. The paper, of course, has a special relationship with Blair, as it was their reporter Macarena (yes, like the song) Hernandez, who brought one of Blair's most egregious cases of plagiarism to light. Blair lifted a story from Hernandez, who once worked as his intern. I’m sure it pained her deeply to bring Blair’s theft to the attention of the Times.

The gossip that Blair does provide seems farfetched. “He claims that sometimes, when a publicist came calling, Times reporters traded sex for mentions in the paper, though he provides no evidence to back this up. If it is true however, my money is on Blair himself as the unnamed reporter. (Via Romenesko)
(Ed. note--Blogging will be light today, etc.)

Friday, March 05, 2004

"The Man in The Mirror*"

Roger Friedman, gossip columnist cum Miramax tout, is reporting that a “Dr. Sebi,” who brags that he never even made it past kindergarten, is treating MJ for painkiller addiction. Friedman quotes a tongue-wagging Jackson insider dismissing the efficacy of Sebi's detox regimen: "Good luck. Michael's probably taking the vitamins, then popping a Xanax and a Demerol." Friedman also claims the former pop phenom suffered a morphine overdose during the Christmas holiday. Well, the morphine would explain how Jackson manages to look at himself in the mirror. (Roger Friedman)

Just Teach the Biker Dykes How to Crochet and You'll be Fine

"Martha Stewart was convicted Friday of obstructing justice and lying to the government about a superbly timed stock sale, a devastating verdict that probably means prison for the woman who epitomizes meticulous homemaking and gracious living." (AP)

Who's Afraid of the Big Black Table?

This interview, where Seth Mnookin thoroughly trounces AJ Daulerio, of Black Table, is one of the funniest things we've ever read:

BT: Would you rather have three-way sex with Robert Christgau and Chuck Klosterman or kill three kittens?

SM: I'm a big fan of both Xgau and Klosterman. I'd rather read both of their collected works than need to answer your inane questions. That's a no-brainer, actually.

BT: Fine. Overall, sum this up for me: Does media need better journalists, better editors, or better readers?

SM: Better interviewers.

Even funnier though, is Mnookin, an admitted former dope fiend, is being paid six-figures to write a complex account of the Raines years at the NYT. And according to him he doesn't have the "first twelve words" of the book written. So, what are the odds that Mnookin will relapse, blow the six figures and land up in Hazelden before you can say "the publisher's breathing down my neck." Just kidding, we wish Mnookin all the luck in the world. (Via Gawker)

And Why Scotch is Stronger Than Say, Sauvignon Blanc

"'My concern is that, knowing the habits of Scotland's drug-takers, they will be shovelling them down their throats and there will be horrible effects.'" (Scottish Daily Record)

Why "Sinn Fein" is Not Gaelic For, "Diplomacy"

"(Quinn) suggested that our Middle East problems could be easily solved if we just threw the Jews to the Arabs. 'What?' a fellow comedian responded, outraged. 'The Jews would understand,' Quinn replied equably. 'We’d go to them and say, 'Hey, it’s just business.'” (LA Weekly)

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